Friday, October 8, 2010

So, I'm not the mom I'd thought I'd be...

A year ago, we had just found out that we would be parents; it all seemed so unreal.

It took me a long time to want to be a mother, part of me didn't think I would know how with not having my own mother to guide me.  Another part of me was so frightened of having to say goodbye to my child much too early like my own mother.    This is usually a giant bonding time for mothers and daughters, and here I was being jipped.

Having Lilla here in my life has been too wonderful.  She is just the perfect little (okay not so little) baby.  She hardly ever cries and she is happy almost all of the time.  When you read baby books they tell you that babies like Lilla don't exist. But one of the biggest unforeseen things is how she has brought me so much closer to my own mother. Even though she is not here to guide me and tell me what I liked when I was little (okay not so little either), I feel like I have become her.  I can only hope to be a mother to Lilla like my mom was to me.

So what prompted this?  I made my first batch of baby food today.  I steamed some butternut squash in our Beaba Babycook and as I was scooping it into little containers to freeze, I realized that a year ago, even 4 months ago, I never would have thought that I would be making my own baby food.  I am so not the mother I thought I'd be...


melanie said...

this was beautiful bobbi. you are a wonderful mom to precious lilla. keep up the good work! :)


ajnrileysmommy said...

this seriously gave me the chills when i read it.
being a mom is the best ever.

love you :)